I love my son soooo much!

I really do! He's just so wonderful, I'm the luckiest gal in the world. Between him and Jeremy, I am just abundantly blessed!

That being said, I will be glad when this week is over. (Highlight below to find out why--will bore our casual readers/most guys...)

I read somewhere today, in my quest for answers to my breastfeeding issues, that the first two weeks are simply "survival mode", and the worst to deal with. Both Mom and Baby are learning things, recovering from the delivery/birth, and if anyone is going to quit, it's during these first two weeks.

I really thought things were getting better... I thought when my milk came in on Wednesday/Thursday that we would just work on getting the hang of this nursing thing, and everyone would be happy.

Not so.

Starting Saturday night, we've had to supplement his feedings in order to satisfy him... It seems like no matter how long he nurses, he's still hungry, whether for 20 minutes or over 2 hours. He could be going through his first growth spurt, which supposedly happens at 7-10 days, but I'm pretty sure there have been plenty of women who have been able to successfully breastfeed a 10+lb baby without the use of formula.

Basically, right now I feel like a failure as a mother. And this may be TMI for the casual readers of our blog, but gosh darnit, I'm just really frustrated right now. I'm usually the optimistic one of our family, but I gotta tell ya, right now, it's really hard. Really hard. I'll deal with the pain... I'll deal with soreness, scabbing, cracking, dryness, painful breastfeeding sessions--just let him get what he needs without formula! I don't understand why that's asking so much.

We're going back to the pediatrician in the morning to see how well he's gaining. Since we have been seeing plenty of wet diapers, I'm guessing he's finally getting the nutritian he needs. I just hope we're not sabotaging our "quest to breast"-feed by supplementing as much as we have. I really hope this ends soon...

I should probably call a lactation consultant or a La Leche League Leader for help, but I'm hesitant because it's something I can't talk about without sobbing... I doubt I'd be able to get passed my name without crying into the phone.

My friend Sunny is coming over tomorrow--she successfully breastfed her daughter for 9 or 10 months. I'm hoping she has some helpful tips for me. And I emailed the gal I took a Mom's class with at Mclean Bible with my questions--she used to be a lactation consulant (or still is... not sure), so I figured she'd be a good resource to tap. Hopefully she writes me back soon.

In the mean time, I'm gonna just hang in there... We're going to get the fancy Medela pump (Charity got us a hand pump for Christmas, which works great, but I'm gonna start pumping after every feeding, even at night, and it's just easier to have the pump do all the work--at least I can sleep for 15 minutes while the machine does its thing... The hand pump will come in handy for travelling, which we'll be doing quite a bit of this year--Hawaii, Mexico and probably Portugal in the summer!) and hope that that helps boost production. I need to get out of the house, anyways... I've been home since Wednesday. Thank God for the internets--keeps me sane.

So please continue to pray for us. I can use all the help I can get right now! 5 more days....